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Cake day: October 19th, 2023

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  • Look no further than the dissent to United States v. Wong Kim Ark (when the Supreme Court ruled that the passage you cited grants citizenship by birthright), written by Chief Justice Melville Fuller, the mastermind behind such legal opinions as:

    • Racial segregation is completely legal (Plessy v. Ferguson)
    • States can’t regulate workplace conditions or enact maximum working hours laws (Lochner v. New York)
    • Income tax is unconstitutional (Pollock v. Farmers’ Loan & Trust)

    Anyway, he wrote:

    the children of Chinese born in this country do not, ipso facto, become citizens of the United States unless the fourteenth amendment overrides both treaty and statute

    and

    [Birthright citizenship means] the children of foreigners, happening to be born to them while passing through the country, whether of royal parentage or not, or whether of the Mongolian, Malay or other race, were eligible to the presidency, while children of our citizens, born abroad, were not.

    So in other words, he was willing to rule that the constitution is optional as long as you are using it against undesirable races in order to get his way.







  • SystemD will consume the entirety of Linux, bit by bit.

    • In 2032, SystemD announces they’re going to be introducing a new way to manage software on Linux
    • In 2035, SystemD will announce they’re making a display system to replace the ageing Wayland
    • In 2038, the SystemD team announces they’re making their own desktop environment
    • In 2039 SystemD’s codebase has grown to sixteen times its size in the 2020s. SystemD’s announces they’re going to release replacements for most other packages and ship their own vanilla distro.
    • In 2045 SystemD’s distro has become the standard Linux distribution. Most other distros have quietly faded away.
    • In 2047, SystemD announces they’re going to incorporate most of GNU into SystemD. Outrage ensues from the Free Software Foundation, which vehemently opposes this move.
    • In 2048, Richard Stallman dies of a heart attack after attempting to clone SystemD’s git repo. SystemD engages in a hostile takeover and all resistance within the FSF crumbles
    • In 2050, SystemD buys the struggling RedHat from IBM for $61 million.
    • In 2053, most world governments have been pressured into using SystemD.
    • In 2054, Linus Torvalds, fearing for his life, begins negotiations to merge kernel development into SystemD
    • In 2056, the final message on the Linux kernel development mailing list is sent.
    • In 2058, Torvalds dies under suspicious circumstances after his brand-new laptop battery explodes.
    • In 2060, SystemD agents assassinate the CEO of Microsoft.
    • In 2063, after immense pressure from SystemD-controlled human rights organisations, Arch developers discontinue development.
    • In 2064, the remaining living Debian developers release the next stable version of their clandestine and highly illegal distro.