The OP was hilarity, and then the idiots responding made me laugh out loud. Bravo.

Whatever dude. You’re objectively wrong.

Fine dude, go ahead and try it. Also super fucking cool to put bullshit out to LGBT people that might actually be looking for options to escape abuse.

Kay.

About 15 seconds on google.

You are not getting refugee status as an American, full stop.

You can’t go to Canada. They have effective boarder and immigration enforcement.