Edit: Thanks for the advice. I didn’t want to describe the exact situation because I was hoping for more general advice. Listing the age probably would have helped, though. To preface this, I don’t have kids

I was left with my 2-year-old niece this afternoon. My sister was working, and my brother-in-law was taking my other niece (5) to a birthday party. Before he left, my brother-in-law put the 2-year-old down for a nap. He told me to wake her up in 2 hours. She woke up in about 20 minutes.

At the time, I was doing some electrical work with the entire house out, because fuck the person who labeled the breaker. So I’m knees deep in exposed wires when I hear someone screaming “daddy!” upstairs. I made things as… less unsafe… as I could and went to her room. After trying to console her for about 10 minutes, I decided to let her just cry it out. She never did.

I finished my work, running up and down the stairs several times (like you do when someone doesn’t label the fucking switches), and I went back in her room. She’s still screaming for her dad. I eventually got her to calm down by pulling up a nursery rhyme video, and getting her a snack.

So far as I’m concerned, “I did everything right”. I didn’t get upset, I tried to let her resolve her own issues, and ultimately, I was able to get her to calm down. (I said I didn’t get upset. I got very worried she’d walk out with all the wires out of the wall) Still wonder could I have done anything differently? Is this just a no win scenario? What would you have done?

Now the 5 year old I have different problems with. She likes to push buttons. The latest thing being her trying to jump on me when I’m on the couch. My sister has a pretty straightforward time out protocol, which, I’ve “abused” in the past. They usually give her 5 minutes, I gave her 15 with less warning than they give. (She hit her sister, wtf am I supposed to do…) Holy crap I’ve never seen a kid that upset! She appealed to my brother-in-law and got the sentence reduced to normal.

So now she does this thing where if I tell her not to do something, she’ll try to side step it to see what she actually can get away with. Do I straight shut that down? Do I let it go for a while? She tries to have these kinds of things arbitrated by my sister and brother-in-law. They don’t exactly take her side, but they don’t take mine either. They kind of let it alone, which empowers her.

My sister and brother-in-law are by no means roll-overs. They take discipline seriously and have fantastic communication with the kids about how both parties feel, why, and why the consequences are what they are. But I tend to be less tolerant of behavior I’ve already addressed and see as unacceptable. Thoughts?