I’ve had several conversations/arguments recently with my brother making clear my system of values and my hatred for the wealthy. He is nearly diametrically opposed on all accounts and often makes light of their actions. He goes so far as to say that poor people and people in need of social services should have to figure things out for themselves. He often defends Elon Musk and champions him for being self made.
He is getting married in a foreign country soon and I have been able to put aside our differences and have been planning on going
…up until yesterday that is. I asked him of his thoughts on Musk’s seig heil maneuver and he sent a right wing meme of democratic leaders caught mid wave, saying that “they did it first”. He continued to be avoidant and didn’t respond to me calling it a strawman.
In this moment it feels necessary to cancel my plans to send a message that this is not ok. Am I the (or an) asshole for not going to his wedding because of this?
How far is the foreign country? Until I read that I was going to suggest you still go to the ceremony but leave as soon as the reception begins. That way you could prevent long term regrets but also didn’t have to see him.
With stuff like this, what matters is you. Showing up to your brother’s wedding is not some sort of approval of his beliefs. If being around him makes you upset, don’t go. If you feel like going will stop you from feeling guilty for not going later, then consider going.
That’s basically been what I’ve been telling my wife with regards to whether or not to cut her father off and/or write him a letter explaining what she is so upset about. It’s easy to get lost in the details about how you should act (both vengefully or peacefully), but what matters is your mental health. If really feel the need to stick it to him and skip it then skip it.
As for asshole stuff, I guess it depends what your responsibilities in the wedding are (if any). Like if you are the best man you’re expected to help out a good bit. It might be too late to switch. Or if they paid for you and can’t transfer it get a refund then that makes it shittier to not go.
This is tricky and I don’t have a good answer.